day 6 – waiting (340)

but mundane affairs will tie you down.,,,so we can sit upright and wait for  things to happen.
the idea of getting old and having missed out on something or someone is dispiriting.
we live with an idea that if we wait and are patient , good thing will come. i’m not patient anymore.
still, i wait…
i sit and drink my glass of wine and think of super somethings and super someones… and my eyes get tired, but my friends think i look mellow. and i have far-away look. a look of sultry sadness. i smile, lazily. but i smile because i am happy to sit and comfortable sitting with them and i appreciate their compliments.
and i go through my purse and pull out my lighter and i smoke.
and my friends tell me i have nice hands so i look at my hands. and in one of them i hold the wine glass and a cigaret in between my fingers. and i exhale. and i smile at them.
and they start to fade. and i can barely hear their voices, now. but i sit and i wait. it feels like the hands on the clock are in full motion… fast forwarding …it seems as if it’s spinning faster and faster. uncontrollable…
but i sit. motionless.
yes, a little numb.
i’m content.
and i’m in a timeless state of grace. can i stay here?

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