ni modo

if we stop growing…if our whole being stops growing our parts atrophy.
if we stop being curious ..if we stop wondering… our spirit withers. really. it does.
no matter how old you are or where you live you should never stop growing. you can only grow by challenging yourself. your mind needs to think, critical thinking, i mean, to grow. your spirit and soul have to be inspired and given something to look forward to with excitement. your body and muscles have to experience resistance …
all this makes you grow… grow high, grow curious and grow strong.
if you slow things down or stop trying new things, you will decline. you will fall from your heights.

we shouldn’t be afraid to explore … or to venture off.


when my papa was diagnosed with cancer, my mother and my sisters were all in the hospital room with him. when we told
him the terrible news, his eyes gazed far, far away, his chin fell to his chest a little, his lips got tightened and puckered and his head nodded up and down. he sighed.
‘ni modo’ , he said.
he stopped growing , i thought.
but, in fact, he kept growing. he ventured into chemo. his thoughts changed daily. his routine was completely different. completely. his body was challenged as much as his mind. being pulled and beaten up by chemo, his strong body became frail….a tiny little man lying on the bed or slouching on a chair.
but he kept growing…his mind wandered, and i bet he was calling and questioning a higher being.
i think , if i know my papa well, i think he might have been pissed off and sad for sure, but he might have been thinking of how many moments he had left  and how he can make the most of them.

if we take everything we experience as an exploration we can get a little tired, yes, for sure!!! :) BUT….!!!
but it can also be exciting. the sense …the feeling of moving forward is a rush. and we shouldn’t sit idle.
the more we procrastinate the more harmful and destructive we are to our whole self. those of us who wait and wait and wait for everything single detail to be perfect before we invest or embark into something new, are usually the ones that are consistently repeating that “something is missing” in our lives.
we can hope that everything is squeaky clean and just perfect before we begin our next step , but it isn’t going to happen. really. that’s like thinking you can twitch your nose several times and “boom!”, you magically appear in happyville, usa. you gotta work a little for it. to get ‘there’ you have to plan, get dressed, and figure out how you’re going get there.
reality check!!!

hey, if it takes you a little longer than planned, don’t worry. keep going but try other things on the way. your days will go on whether you like it or not. your days will happen whether you participate or not. life has its happy moments and its sad ones, but , damn, just take them. no regrets. just experience all the feelings …soak them in. really. try it. feeling exhausted and pissed off and deflated and full of energy and in love ….
with all this …well…you feel alive!
but please don’t break down my door or my windshield or step in front of my car while i’m driving out.

certain circumstances can tie you up a bit…. yes…but.

if you are held back a bit, ‘ni modo’. keep going. explore. even if you get wiped out, venture off into something awesome. there shouldn’t  be any rules stopping you from wanting awesomeness.
awesomeness is not to be confused with spirituallity. awesomeness is just finding and experiencing something that feels right. that feels a little perfect. if it happens to feel mystical, too, then that is pure awesomeness.

we should not surround ourselves with meaninglessness or hopelessness…
in our last days ..or in our painful days…in our fucking difficult days… we should not stop wanting to fulfill and to make happy moments for ourselves. moments that make us grow.
when you get a bit pushed and shoved, ni modo. things happen. things change. but make little happy moments before your body leaves the earth. count them, too…. your happy moments, i mean. it’s good to keep track of them.

“I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.” KV


ni modo: oh well, whatever, and so it goes, doesn’t matter, no big deal, you can’t do anything about it…
(you know, as in bummer)


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