and here we are again… we tend to reflect on the past days, weeks, months, this entire fleeing year….
reflect on what we did, people we met, what we could have done, maybe done better, or more often.
reflect on the things we said, words we should have kept quiet. perhaps been more vocal or muted our personalities.
this year i was lucky enough to have met a few people… lucky enough to have shared a few hours here and there with each person.
unlucky to spend only a few hours with some… but grateful for that time, anyway.
i’ve seen risks taken… secrets shared…total irresistible attractions occur… madness … and confusion…enlightenment and progress. and saw just…plain, simple beauty in it all.
and … i’ve seen
soft faces with harsh looks.
gentle men with hazardous actions.
a bold woman locked up in cautious love.
a cautious woman give up everything for love.
a woman lose everything she’s dreamed of.
a man searching for himself.
a swaggering man so vain he will , forever, stay invisible and cryptic. forever.
children growing, laughing, crying,
strong ladies lacking will,
a few men weeping…
a man loving.
a loving man.
a sexy and completely attractive distant man.
a working man, a lost man.
i’ve seen stars and flowers that hint us of reachable hopes and dreams.
i’ve heard sirens, and screams, and madness and gossip.
i’ve heard tender whispers and sentimental secrets, jokes and giggles.
i’ve seen the heavy silence of recent loss.
i’ve seen the burning sorrow some of us have felt to lose unborn babies.
i’ve felt neurotic and wild, curious and withdrawn.
i’ve felt drained and depleted with a hint of strength.
i’ve felt warmth from strong bodies.
i’ve lost myself in daydreams and took a few people with me…(but , sadly, i’ve returned them, don’t worry)
i’ve gathered good fortune and inspiration and wishes… and hopefully i’ve shared a few.
i’ve shared simple thoughts and had profound conversations.
i’ve shared too much or perhaps not enough.
i’ve shared kisses and hugs and hands and notes.
we’ve broken some wine glasses along with a few hearts.
we’ve had our hearts damaged, our minds fogged and corrupted and out of sync.
we’ve seen moments of inspiration and long hours of tears and despair.
we’ve seen our houses gone, the last of our bank accounts fading and washing away.
i’ve heard us laugh and wonder about the future.
i’ve heard music and seen little dances.
i’ve seen little girls look up to their dads and admire their moms.
i’ve seen moms run red lights and children late for school.
i’ve seen moms rush by… dads lending hands.
i’ve smelled dinner on the table and smelled the crowed restaurants filled with stressed families wind down.
i’ve smelled my girls hair and smelled our burnt toast in our kitchen.
i’ve smelled love. i’ve smiled at fotos. i’ve seen you. i’ve heard you. i’ve felt you and i’m happy.
damn… we’ve been through a lot… and with all this that we’ve gone through…it’s been pretty trippy.
i guess we lived so much this year. i’m sure we’ll live some more , still….
…with no regrets… no shame. no…only experiences and accomplishments and plans…
and some mess ups and spills and if today i forgot your birthday and if today i was a no show at your party and if today you’re upset with me. please accept my love. i’m sorry. i’ll start again tomorrow and be better. i’ll try.
/cheesy vomit (but i know you like… yes you do.)
i wonder what you heard and smelled and felt and saw… and i wonder… was i there with you?