a walk in the morning…
i saw my friend out there and we walked together for a bit. we talked about many things and a lot of nothings. life, relationships, projects, family, schedules, work. struggles… etc.
and she mentioned something about kindness.
and i said… “i think that’s bs. i don’t think people should have to remind themselves to be kind. you’re either kind or you’re not. it’s like breathing.”
she mentioned something about selfishness.
and i said, “…i think sometimes people have to remind themselves to be a little more selfless… including me. maybe. or maybe not…”
she mentioned about people being terribly controlling …
and i said, “well, i don’t have that personality. know what i mean? I simply don’t find the need to control things that i am not attached to. and, vice versa; the things i’m attached to, i have no interest in controlling. this is equal for people or situations.”
and then i said, “wait. who said that? i liked how that sounded. i think that makes sense, no? but let me go home and think about that. and i’ll see how i feel at the end of the day”.
and she said, “oooh, i like that. wait, let me write that down. say it again”.
and i said, “shit, i forgot!”
and we laughed. and i said, “bubblegum philosophy: brought to you by Morning Fog- it’s not only spreading in your neighborhood it’s making its way to your brain.”
the end. social walks… sometimes i wish they’d burn more fat.
on another note – (which has nothing to do with our walk.just to be clear! ;) )
i’m in control of what feels right without even knowing i’m in control or knowing i ‘have a hold of things’.
and i don’t even think of controlling others or their behaviors. (my kids are different, you teach and show examples to children.)
…or i don’t even think of “being in control of my life”
… our life just happens.
quirky stuff happens and, if i am interested, i allow it in… i just do. naturally.
i do whether it means some things are out of the ordinary and others are quiet or boring..i may allow it.
however, if there is no interest, then i defuse it or let it burn out on its own while i am not present. or i may just redirect my step and make a left turn. i don’t know. i’ll see when it’s happening.
(all without being aware of it-it just happens- not too much thought goes in it. most likely it just happens without too much thinking or trying to control things…even as i’m typing this here, obviously.)
and maybe my life has chaos? maybe it does, and i just don’t know it? well, if this is chaos… then it isn’t as bad as people say it is. maybe i just move slower with getting things take care of. like bank stuff… or legal stuff…or putting gas in my fucking car…
or maybe i do things that , for what ever reason , felt ‘okay’ at the time.
i tend to live by intuition and by spontaneity. and the rest just happens. ;)
that’s what seems natural. (just like breathing)
Still…. that’s not to say that i stand on the sidelines, either. My ego may not be present or active but my feet want to move and my brain is on fire.
i don’t like to wait for things to happen. if something (ideas, projects, people) sits too long on the back burner, well, i suppose they will stay there. (and that’s how it is.)
i think, generally speaking, “chaos” gets a bad rap. :)
quiet please! i’m trying to control my chaos.